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Do you Want to Be in a Relationship?
Do you Want to Resolve, Repair or Revitalize the Relationship you are in?
Do you want to get out of the Relationship you are In?
How to find a Perfect Partner or the right Partner? Where to find someone in this day and age in your 40's? How to Trust Again? How to overcome feeling Lonely, Empty, Abandonment, or fear of rejection? These are the questions most singles ask themselves. They...
Relationship Style can differ from one person to another and many couples struggle in these modern times with problems of clashing Love Relationship Style. There are no rules, no guidelines, no maps and many positions to take in Relationships Whatever your...
Relationships are formed as a result of childhood caregiver experiences, these form the self’s perception and programs how relationships will playout later in life.
People who are securely attached are said to have greater trust, can connect to others and as a result are more successful in life. Insecurely attached people tend to mistrust others, lack social skills and have problems forming relationships. There is one type of secure attachment and there are 3 types of insecure attachments: Anxious/Ambivalent , Anxious/Avoidant and Anxious/Disorganized. In responses to distress, the first 3 react organized, while the last acts disorganized.
Self Respect & Self Esteem
Healthy Self Esteem, is a fundamental requirement for a healthy Relationship. Some people have Self Efficacy, in life they are able to work, have income and confidence in their ability to cope with Life’s basic challenges. Earn a living and take independent Care of One’s self in the World. Relationships also, Require the other part of Self Esteem: Self Respect, which entails the expectation of friendship, love, and deserving happiness as a natural result of who we are and what we do. Self Esteem is diminished by childhood adversity, it can also alter during life, as a consequence of life’s events. Good self esteem requires a solid sense of self. When people choose each other, unconsciously they will find someone that attracts them with exactly the same level of self esteem. High self esteem people do not choose low self esteem partners as a rule, unless it is a casual one night stand. If you want a good relationship, start with healing your self esteem.
The 36 Questions
Learn how to discover the truth about who you are and truly get to know others.
How do we really connect and create deeper, stronger bonds with each other or with our partner?
The study explores the possibility of creating intimacy between two strangers (or deepening intimacy with existing people in your circle of connections) that can be accelerated by having each person ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more deepening than the previous one.
It is a good idea to answer these questions for yourself first; and try to imagining how and what you would respond? How honest and truthful would you be?
The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise sets up the challenge.
Much of Dr. Aron’s research focuses on creating interpersonal closeness. In particular, several studies investigate the ways we incorporate others into our sense of self. It’s easy to see how the questions encourage what they call “self-expansion.” Saying things like, “I like your voice, your taste in beer, the way all your friends seem to admire you,” makes certain positive qualities belonging to one person explicitly valuable to the other.
There is a final part, that I would caution to approach with the awareness of the person you are choosing this with, that you’ve taken the time to assess rather than just with anyone as a joke, simply because the outcome could be forever.
Once you’ve completed the questions find somewhere calm without interruptions or distractions: take a few deep breaths and start looking into each other’s eyes for four minutes (set a timer).
At the end of that four minutes, you will have had an experience unlike many other.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
“All the above information is available online,
It is not new, I am just the messenger,
In the hope you and your relationships benefit
From using it and it brings you warmer connections”.