Relationship Style can differ from one person to another and many couples struggle in these modern times with problems of clashing Love Relationship Style. There are no rules, no guidelines, no maps and many positions to take in Relationships

Whatever your Relationship Style, your style comes from how your first few years of life developed your brain. This is where you learned to be Secure about your emotions and interacting with others, there was a sense of stability and consistency in your environment and those around you seemed dependable and supportive.

Then there could have been a distinc wide range of other inconsistent environment that made you feel either overwhelmed or deprived, with a sense of rejection and abandonment if you were on the more fortunate end of the spectrum, unfortunate if you were on the receiving end of abuse, neglect and maltreatement.

From the first stable and consistent environment, your Relationship style is secure, you feel a strong sense of self and your emotions and reactions are quite consistent and responsive rather than reactive.  In Relationships you have the ability to acknowledge and state your feelings and emotions, while being assertive, logical and rational in your communication, negotiations and agreements.

In the second environment of instability you would become either avoidant in Relationships or axious-needy. Or a fluctuation between these last two. The types of Relationships that are created from these backgrounds, are usually Reactive, flight or fight response, avoidance of committment and emotional intimacy, or a strong desperate need to merge with the other constantly feeling axious and insecure of being abandoned and Rejected.

Most people, over 90% of the population fall into the second category, where Relationship problems, Self Esteem, Self Confidence, Anxiety, Depression and Mental health are common.  Separation, Divorce and infedelity seem to be part of this way of Relating, it can be quite toxic and create havoc with health and finances as well as poor quality of life.

These are the most researched studies on how environment, parenting and experiences in childhood can impact all areas of Life including Relationship Style and Quality:

Two studies, one from the Harvard School: 

and the other by Dunedin (New Zealand) Study:

The Dunedin Study, followed over 1000 people from birth to in their 40’s, tracking life events, social, financial and health as well as crime, determined that all of what evolved during the lives of these participants, was already evident during the first 3 years of life.

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Relationship Style

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